Developing a Sense of Trust Makes Strong Families.

4. Develops a sense of trust

When babies are born, the first thing that they learn is trust. Trust that when they cry their needs will be met. Crying is their only form of communication. When our babies cry, we pick them up, love them, feed them, and care for them. This teaches them that every thing is ok.

This little guy above is my nephew Jon Jon. My daddy took the picture!

When you get married you form a bond of trust. For better or worse. I promise to be there.It is wise for you to create hedges or fences to make sure that trust stays true in your marriage. Listening to each other and keeping communication strong helps keep trust strong. Respecting each other creates a sense of trust.

Divorce is not in our vocabulary. We never have to worry about if we have a bad day with each other that it may end it all. We trust each other that we can make it through those tough times. We trust that God has given us the strength. But it takes work. All the time.

That trust we have in each other is something we have to teach Jeremy. He makes comments that Dan is cheating on me or me and the pool guy. Coming from a normal back ground kid, I would be mad. But we know his back ground. We know that we have to teach him, that Dan and I are strong and together. I do not go to the store to “cheat”. I goto the store to go to the store. But if you understood the history of where he grew up, this is what people did. They didn’t commit to each other for ever. They came and went. They cheated. They were not there when you needed them. Sometimes the only person you could trust was yourself.

Robby grew up with a strong sense of trust. He was hungry, I fed him. He was wet, I changed him. Yes there were times he cried and I didn’t know why. Sometimes babies cry. But we gave Robby that sense of trust.

Isaiah came to us stiff as a board. We popped him into the sling and carried him. He cried all the time. He was sick. He spit up all the time. We only fed him 3-4 ozs at a time. But in time he wasn’t stiff any more. We invested a lot to help him learn to trust. To teach him how to attach.

We did not know he was going to be ours forever. Just that he needed this. To trust.

This trust is a two way street though.

While teaching children to trust, parents trusting children is important to. Mr. Isaiah has been at it again with food. This time hiding food in the dinning room under a dresser. This brought in an ant parade. Right now I do not trust him in the kitchen. He is not allow in the kitchen. He had to get really strict with him about the kitchen and food thing.

When Jeremy move in with us I didn’t trust him. I loved him and wanted him. I just didn’t trust him. He was coming from a back ground where he had done many things and I didn’t know yet how much I could trust him. As time went on, I slowly trusted him more and more. But then when things would happen, certain trust would fly out the door and slowly had to be regained again.

Trust in the Lord you God with all your heart, mind and soul.

Trust is a funny thing. Here one day gone the next.

Why don’t you take your kids on a Trust Walk? or better yet, let them lead you!

Check out my Pinterest Board on Strong Families for more ideas on trust

How do you develop a sense a trust in your family?


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A Boy and His Blanket…

When Isaiah was a baby, I tried to find one blanket that he could use back and forth with visits to make him feel secure.  After trying many different kinds, he finally settled on one I got from Fuzzi Bunz many years ago.   While they don’t make this toddler size blanket anymore, they do have awesome cloth diapers (another blog subject for another day!).  (I wish they still sold these blankets, they are they right size for a growing baby.  I would get one for every foster baby to keep with them! ) So the relationship between a boy and his blanket began.  A few of my favorite blanky stories…
When we were trying to get him to sleep in a toddler bed, he would get up alot!  So, he would get up and put his blanket over his head and slowly walk by me like I couldn’t see him!
Once we left his blanket at church for two days when he was one.  I took him to go get it after we figured out we found it.  He took it and laid down on the parking lot with it and almost fell asleep!
We almost miss our Amtrak train because we had to go back to get the blanket!
We once left it at our friends house for like a month.  He was ok with out it, but I told her watch him, he is going to smell the blanket first to know it is his!  And when she gave it to him, he smelled it first!

 He sleeps on it


He uses it as a pillow, along with the stuffed animal!

 Good for Traveling!

And playing with!

And most of all it stayed on top of his head for many years!  When Isaiah was younger it was so hard to get him to smile for pictures…now no problem!!!


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I Saw Leila…

Leila was our last foster baby.  We had her move in when she was 3 months old.  Her situation was different than all the other foster babies.  She was in custody of grandma who also has Leila’s older brother who is 3 now.  Grandma taught full time and was trying hard to keep the babies out of the foster care.  Some how we found each other and it was agree upon by us, grandma and DHR that we could do a private type of foster care/respite care for grandma.  Leila was very loved and our arrangement worked well.    She attended the daycare as her brother so her grandma would stop in and see her.
We loved having her in our family!!  And while we knew she was only with us temporary, I think we would have scoped her up as ours in a heart beat.  But it was a blessing that her grandma was involved!  She only wants to do best for her grandkids and help her daughter out as much as she can.  The future is still unknown for their grand babies, but the kids Lawyer or GAL said that the Leila was being bounced around too much and had to only stay with grandma so grandma can prove she can take care of them both. So when we dropped Leila off with grandma before Hawaii none of us knew that was going to be the last time we had her.  Grandma didn’t want to leave it though as she never sees us and we don’t see her.
So last Thursday she was home with too babies with little colds and had to do some running around and came by to get some of Leila’s things and we got to visit for a while.  We didn’t take her out of her car seat just because it is such a struggle to get her back and she was tired.  But we talked and Robby got her laughing and she held my hand and we played peek a boo!  I so wanted to hold her and hug her!  But an other time grandma will drop her off for a visit.  The we can catch up on hugs!
We don’t know their future, but it is nice to still be able to see our foster babies grow up a little.  And it is good to see them back with their family.  We do foster care to help families figure things out.  It is always easy to think “these kids are much better with us” and “we can provide them with more.” Most of these parents love their kids…they just have things in their lives that enable them not to function the way most moms or dads function.   Most of them need help raising their babies.  And that is not a bad thing, having family help raise your children.  In fact it is not a new idea, but one from times ago.
We also know that it doesn’t work out.  Some mom’s or dad’s just can’t seem to get it together enough to care for their kids.  And then that’s when other forever families can step in and help.
We don’t know what will happen with Leila, but she sure does have a grandma who loves her and will do whats best for her.  And if they go back to mom, then she will do her best to support her daughter.


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Babies and Books

On Thursday we got two little babies to do respite care!  They are sweet lovable little babies!  The little girl-J- was about 14 months and just the sweetest  little thing!  She fell in love with Robby and was his Shadow!  N was about 3 months old and just wanted to be held.  Our four days seemed to go quickly and we enjoyed having babies again.  Robby always has a hard time when our foster babies and kids leave.  He has such a big heart and it breaks when they leave.  I ask him, do you want us to stop and he say NO!  He likes helping these kids, but he is sad when they leave.  This time was a little harder cause J was so attached to him!
For anyone that knows me I am a bookoholic.   I love them, all kinds.  Some of my favorite authors in fiction stories are Frank Pretti, John Grisham and Ted Dekker.  Each one engages me in different ways.  I am bad about reading because when I read, I read and read and read.  Everything around me goes away and I am sucked into what every story it is.  So the weekend I have a 3 month old, who you know will wake up at least once, I read Immanuel’s Veins by Ted Dekker.
This book at first intrigued by, but didn’t suck me in.  I could put it down.  A few chapters in though….I started reading again Friday after the kids went to bed.  And soon, it was 12, then 1.  Through this Isaiah woke up, then Robby woke up.  My 16 year old kept coming into the room, telling me to stop reading.  My mind was transformed as I wondered what was next, guess who was going to do what and trying to envision what Toma looked like!  Finally by 3 I feel asleep, with Robby in bed with me and Dan still working on finances.  It was a weird night for us all.  I woke up and finished reading the last chapters. Needless to say we all were dragging the next day.
We made it through respite care, mommy reading a book, lack of sleep, babies, kids and now the kids are asking when is the next baby coming!  Maybe not a baby, but I am sure we will be doing Respite care again soon!


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When baby is sick…

When baby’s are sick everything stops.  Things that you thought you would get done have to go on hold because the baby just needs to be held!  And it is even harder when you are trying to get your house ready for good friends to move in for the week so you can go off alone with your husband to Hawaii!   So you have to balance and decided what really needs to get done and what can just wait!!  

I found most of my days this week sitting the chair with a little baby just sitting with me her head on my shoulder.  When I would put her down she would just cry and cry.  Sometimes she would fall asleep, but yet would know that I moved.  
This morning she woke up with 104.3 so I knew it was Dr. time.  After a few test she has a virus that just needs to run its course.  While I am not thrilled she is sick I feel better that it is not really bad and she will be fine with Grandma this coming week!!  
Oh I wish I could post a cute little picture, but foster care rules are you can’t post pictures of them.  



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Summer with Leila

One of the unique situations with Leila our 16 month old foster baby girl is her Grandma is very active in her life.  Because she teaches school she is busier that normal doing the school year, but doing the summer she is not as busy.  While we still don’t know the outcome of Leila’s future in terms of her parents, she is still a part of our family.  Grandma’s goal is to take her as much as she can this summer, without her feeling  confused.  I believe that right now we have created a balance for her that is working.  Grandma has taken her most this summer especially while we travel.  And while some emergency’s has cut some of her visits short, Leila is happily going back and forth.  For us it is very ideal, because when we need someone to take her, we know she is going to her second home away from ours.  It makes traveling with out her very easy in terms of worrying about her being some where strange.
I don’t know how long Leila will be here with us, that is part of foster care, the unknown.  But she is loved by many and she is one blessed little girl!!


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The Dirt on Fostering Babies

When it comes to adoption, everyone wants a baby.  A new baby, with little to no history.  A clean start.  People wait a long time for babies.
When fostering, babies are great, sweet and cute, but they come with a price.    Many people foster babies in hopes of adopting.  But there are many things people fail to understand about fostering babies.  Leila is our forth foster baby.  (under 2)

  • When fostering any child, they are not yours.  They tell you to treat your foster children like your own, but in all reality that is not so.  
  • Babies are easy to get attached to.  Really that is the gift you give them, but it will cost you when they leave.  This I am going to leave to a future post.
  • Babies don’t sleep.  When you are pregnant, you have nine months to get ready to not sleep.  Your body gets you ready.  When you foster, you are lucky if you have days to get ready.  
  • Babies stink and leak!  Yes come one we all know this.  Weird things come from all holes of their bodies.  This is why God made them little and cute!!  All my little ones spit up bad the first part of their lives, it was not uncommon we were changed a few times a day.  And lets not even talk about what comes from their bottom!!!!!!
  • Babies need to be feed.  Many times a day when they are little.  You have to wash bottles, make bottles, warm bottles, feed them their bottles, and it starts all over!!!
  • Babies need mushy foods…need I say more.
  • Babies need to be changed.  You have to remember to buy diapers, wipes (which come out of your pocket)
  • Babies do a lot of changing in their first few years of life.  So there are a lot of different items needed. Their clothing is always getting small of them and you go through at least 3-4 sizes in just the first year.
  • Babies have a background, a history.  
  • Some times they can leave faster than they came.
  • Did I mention that foster babies are not yours.  This is the key.  When fostering our goal as foster parents to work with DHR to reunite the families.  I believe  there are some foster families who that their goal is to keep the baby.  Until the courts say so, there is nothing a foster family can do except look out for the best interest of that baby.  While our foster babies are still a part of our family, they are not ours, well except Isaiah now cause we adopted him.
  • Your foster baby is shared.  Social workers, transporters, visits with mom and dad and other relatives.  
  • Yes babies don’t sleep.  Did I mention this.  As I type I have a 14 month old who does not want to sleep-she has had many bad nights in row.   Hopefully she will finally close her eyes, I can finish this post and goto bed.
It is hard when you invest so much of your love, and energy into a baby.  I have had some foster parents tell me that is just not for them.  Foster babies is not for everyone.  Babies will come and go.  Heart will be broken.  So why foster them?
To make a difference.  To hold them and love them.  To nurture them.  To give them a strong beginning of life.  While I can not treat them just like my biological child, come pretty darn close.  Our biological child, Robby, was breast feed for the first 17 months of his life.  He also slept in bed with us.  Our foster babies don’t get breast feed, but we try to make feeding time special.  And they sleep in our room the first year, then due to DHR rules we have to move them out.  Our babies get carried in a sling as much as possible.
To make a difference in a tiny life.  That is why I like to foster babies.  Please don’t get me wrong, I like the older ages to, but babies have my heart.  
Their smile, first time rolling over.  Sitting up and then those first few steps.  The babbling and then words!  How could they not take your heart away?
But just remember…..babies grow up to toddlers and preschoolers…and those are hard years!!!!

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