A love hate relationship with homeschooling

I will not lie.  I hate homeschooling right now.

Let me clarify.  I have a love hate relationship with homeschooling.  I hate the daily struggle to get my children to do work.  I hate how unorganized I am this year (noticed I never even posted an awesome homeschool areas like years past!).   I hate how when the yellow bus picks up our foster daughter I have vision of all my children gone and me home alone.  Without out one around me who is screaming at me no, or whining.  Or rolling eyes.  Or making a mess as I clean.  Or doesn’t care.  Just home alone.

I love the time I spend with my children.  I truly feel that if I had not homeschooled my daughter- our attachment to her would not be this strong.  This year I have seen her blossom and I love teaching her!  She is finally at a stage of being so willing to learn.  Her melt down of life have simmer down and we can accomplish task on a regular bases.  She is a little bossy. (Oh yes I used the B word.) And is a bit like Candice on Phineas and Ferb. My boys…..

My boys.  One turned 13 last month.  I don’t know what happened.  Last year when I gave Robby work, he would go off do it, and return it.  This year- it is like having a child I have to sit on top of.  What happened?  My free time during the day has changed (noticed the lack of blogging lately) cause I am dealing with my children.  Or the house from my children.  Or things flying through the air.  Last week cocoa powder filled my kitchen cause a 7 year old got mad.

I love homeschooling cause I see the benefits of it.  I hate homeschooling right now cause it is sucking the life out of me.  Somedays I want to sit in a closet with a mocha and cry.  Then one of my children will do something amazing, and I think-wait I taught them that.  And I love homeschooling.  And then someone is screaming about something-all day long.  Then ….. well it is a cycle.  It is exhausting.  Let’s be honest.  Raising kids is exhausting.

I have looked at what it would like if I was working again.  Something like that could happen.  My kids would go to carefully chosen schools.  We would have new schedules.  And it would be exhausting.

But it is ok.  It is a good exhaustion.  One worth the while.

I have had a 7th grade school teacher tell me what I am experiencing with my 13-year-old, is normal.  So I have to find a new way of reaching my normal kid without losing my mind.  Find a new way of helping my 7-year-old control his temper.  Find new ways of dealing with my girls issues with clothes and cleaning.  Till then I am treading through each day.  Trying to find how to make this year work for us.  Counting the days till Christmas Break.  Which I think will be three weeks this year.  Cause I am the teacher.

As with anything it is ok to have off  years.  I do know I have four things in life that get me excited (besides my family).  Church ministry captivates my heart. I thrive off of ministry.  I thrive off of learning and reading all things around and do miss the action full-time.  Homeschooling is a family life style that I love and thrive off of!  I love teaching at home and just everything that surrounds it.  And I love foster care.  I love being able to help one child at a time.  I love supporting other foster and adoptive parents.  I love now I can help mold future foster parents and adoptive parents as I teach GPS classes.  And I love writing/blogging.  While that is a newer area compared to the other three-it is one spot I can combine everything I love into one spot.

With those four areas of life I love-I don’t always love them.  There are low times in them.  I work through them and listen to where God is calling me and my family to go.  He will take care of the rest.  So I need to do the things I love.  And let the love of my other passions help get me through the tough times.

So for now I am having a love hate relationship with homeschooling.  And I am ok with that this year.    I will take breathers to make it through and know that I don’t have to be perfect.  I will not let this love hate relationship bring me down.

Last week my friends over at iHomeschool Network blogged about the Imperfect Homeschool.  I came upon on a few blog post on very low days last week.  It was very up lifting to know I wasn’t the only one struggling.  Very worth checking out the other ladies blogs!


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