{Note from Susann-aka Mommahopper: ifoster and adopt 2 is a place where anyone can share their stories. This week we are joining Susan Mathis as she shares their journey of foster care and adoption. Thank you for hopping by.}
The Power of Yes
I have written thousands of words as a guest blogger and freelance writer. However, there are none that are as personal and important to me as these. They cut to the very core of who I am as a wife, a woman and a Christian. But most of all, they tell the story of how I became a mother.
That day, December 22, 1993, started out with a terrible blow in the form of another failed pregnancy test. I don’t know when exactly I started referring to the test in terms of pass/fail, but in my mind, it was a test: you either passed it or failed it. And I had failed again. Or my husband had failed. Or God had failed us. I don’t really remember where my mind was at that moment, except that it involved failure.
To add insult to injury, James and I were scheduled to co-host our church’s children’s Christmas Party that night. Lovely. Celebrating the birth of a baby when I’d just learned that my arms would, once again, remain empty. Not surprisingly, I didn’t stay at the party long. Instead, I slipped off to the sanctuary. There, in the dim light of an empty space that could never be truly empty because God was there, I prayed, almost daring God to show me something. I even remember thinking: “It’s really beautiful in here and peaceful and quiet. It’s the perfect setting for God to tell me something.”
After waiting a minute for some thunderbolt from heaven, I decided to pick up one of the pew Bibles and thumb through. It was Christmas time and I wanted to read something Christmasy, but I’d heard Luke 2 about a dozen times. Anyway, I was more in the mood for a suffering servant sort of text, so I decided to go back to Isaiah.
Now, here’s where it gets interesting: I meant to turn to Isaiah 53 “He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.” Yeah. Exactly. Just like me. But I made a small “mistake” and ended up on Isaiah 54, which begins
Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud,
thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate
than the children of the married wife, saith the Lord.
Wait a minute! “Sing, O barren?” There’s got to be more. “Children of the desolate?” Well, yeah, James and I had talked about being foster parents someday, when we had raised our own children and had a bigger house and more money.
Enlarge the place of thy tent, and let them stretch forth the curtains of thine
habitations: spare not, lengthen thy cords, and strengthen thy stakes; For thou
shalt break forth on the right hand and on the left; and thy seed shall inherit the
Gentiles, and make the desolate cities to be inhabited.
OK, so technically the house did have three bedrooms and there was just the two of us. But what would people say? I had a good job and was supporting both of us while James finished graduate school. I couldn’t really give that up just to be a foster parent. What would people think? What would they say?
Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou
shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt
not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more.
What would James say? After all, wasn’t God only supposed to speak to the husband? I mean, this would be a huge change in our plans.
For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer
the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. For the Lord
hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth,
when thou wast refused, saith thy God. For a small moment have I forsaken thee;
but with great mercies will I gather thee.
Are you really Lord? Are you really calling me to something so radical, so amazing as this?
There was more, much more in that chapter. Verses that I James and I would turn to again and again in our adventure. But for now I knew, as clearly as I’ve ever known anything in my life, that God was calling us to something radical that would change our lives forever.
And that’s how I became a mother, in some ways as the Virgin Mary did, by the power of yes. (“Be it unto me according to your word.”) How I would grow and suffer and rejoice in the coming years was ultimately based on many other yeses, and a few nos. But that is another story.
Susan Mathis is the eternally grateful mother of three young adults, all of whom she taught at home. With her new found free time, she enjoys sharing what she has learned through the years with other moms, including mentioning one of her favorite resources, FreeBookNotes.com.
{Part 2 will be posted Thursday July 5th. If you would like to be notified with future ifoster and adopt 2 stories fill out contact forms and we will get you on the list}.
Moon Sand
Beautiful story. I can't wait for the rest of it.